Wednesday, December 12, 2018

3 Strategies to Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage

It doesn’t matter if it’s your spouse, your kid, your co-worker or God – TRUST is just so important to any quality relationship.rebuild trust in your marriage

Trust is a funny thing. We tend to assume the best for ourselves since we know our intent and the worst in others because we judge based only on the outcomes of their actions.

We can be especially distrusting if we’ve been hurt in the past…and we’ve all been hurt!

Trust Is Dynamic

If I asked you whether you trust your spouse, you could answer as “yes” or “no” (hopefully it’s yes).

But if I asked whether you trust him or her MORE or LESS than you did yesterday…or last year…or on your wedding day…the answer gets a lot more interesting.

That’s because the level of trust in our marriage is always changing.

You are either building up trust and intimacy or you’re letting it erode by your actions (or inaction).

On a day-to-day basis, you can strengthen the trust between you by spending quality time together, talking, having sex, making decisions together and doing all those little things we do together as a couple.

And of course, you can slowly lose that trust when you act selfishly, don’t follow through on your promises, withhold sex or miss a date night.

Trust is a fickle beast, but it’s SO important to continue building up.

But It Can Be Broken VERY Quickly

We spend most of our married time making those gradual changes and enriching our trust over time.

But as we know all too well, there are those Trust Bombs that can destroy trust in an instant:

Having an affair

Lying about money

Keeping secrets and getting exposed

Talking about your spouse behind their back

In the blink of an eye, years of built-up trust can be destroyed. And it’s difficult to learn to forgive and start back down the road of building up trust and intimacy.

Take Action to Build Up the Trust

Whether you’re simply looking to grow in intimacy and learn how to deepen the trust in your marriage on a day-to-day basis or you’ve been scarred by a major breach of trust, the key is to take action.

Here are three strategies you can use to build or rebuild the trust in your relationship:

  1. Bring in Back-Up Help

It’s easy to lose perspective on your own situation when you’re living in it.

Reach out and seek guidance and support from a coach, support group, counselor or trusted friend.  Be sure that any resource you seek out is Pro-Marriage and will work in the best interest of your marriage.

Caution: Do NOT seek out help from those that may make the situation worse.  This would include recently divorced friends, never-married friends or co-workers…

  1. Commit to Finding the Good

When you’re feeling pain, it’s difficult to see the good in those that we love – but it’s essential to the reconciliation process.

Commit to giving your spouse at least one encouragement/compliment every day for the next week.  This will help turn the energy in your relationship from negative to positive, plus you’ll be reminded of the positive characteristics of your spouse.

You’ll find it super helpful to keep a journal during this time and track how your actions change the way you see, respect and start to rebuild trust in your husband or wife.

  1. Declare that YOU Are Taking Action

In every relationship, there must be a leader when change is required.  Whether your trust was broken or you broke the trust of your spouse in some way, you can repair/forgive the broken trust and move forward.

But it requires commitment and real action.  In time, your spouse will come around but getting started on this path requires you to step up and be a leader in your marriage.

Trust is an essential and sometimes elusive element in every relationship.

Put these strategies in place to deepen the trust in your marriage and reap the rewards of the contentment and happiness that lie on the other side of the rebuilding process.

The 3 mistakes that lead to divorce (it’s not too late – read this)

These days, around half of all marriages end in divorce.

That’s a pretty sad statistic… especially because so many of those divorces are preventable.

In reality, many marriages end prematurely.  Why?  Well, there are two reasons.

  1. Neither spouse knows how to prevent the passion, intimacy, and romantic connection from gradually fading away.
  2. They make the 3 “Marriage Murdering Mistakes” that very few people know about… and sadly, these 3 mistakes can quickly drive your marriage into disaster and divorce.

If you’re in this situation…

If your marriage is dead-as-a-doornail…

If you’re heading towards divorce, or even if you’re already at that point…

Then a new video by marriage coach Dr. Lee H. Baucom will show you how to stop the downward spiral and breathe some life back into your relationship.  (Lee’s a freakin’ genius, by the way.)

==> Begin Repairing Your Marriage *Today*

I wish I could force every couple experiencing a marriage crisis to watch this new video… because the strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between “unhappily divorced” and “happily ever after”.

The best part is that you can apply the techniques described in his video on your own… without your spouse even being aware that you’re making an effort to save the marriage.

So don’t lose hope just because your partner refuses to attend marriage counseling, or won’t put in the effort to fix the problems that are slowly eating away at your marriage.

==> Watch the video now by clicking here

There’s no catch to this, and no marketing gimmicks… just a complimentary in-depth guide to saving your marriage.

At the very least, you should watch the first few minutes where Brad reveals the ‘3 Marriage Murdering Mistakes’… these 3 massive myths alone are a huge reason why nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.

Don’t give up on love yet. Take action today and begin re-building your marriage… start by clicking the link below to watch the video now.

==> Watch the Video <== Click Here

The techniques in the video have already worked for hundreds of married couples…. and they’ll work for you, too.  What are you waiting for?

Here’s to a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage!

Your friend and coach,

Calvin Gipson

Advice on Advice

A good friend and colleague of mine Michael Webb, wrote this article and gives great insight on who to take advice from.

A few years ago I had a friend whom was having problems in his marriage. He confided in a friend and received some advice. Some very bad advice. Advice that would have probably launched his marriage over a proverbial cliff had he followed it. Fortunately, my friend decided to ask some others and me what we thought of the situation and the advice he had been given. He ignored the first piece of advice and is still married because of it.

Because of my career in writing and speaking about relationships, a lot of people seek me out for advice. Here is my advice on asking for advice.

* In a multitude of counselors, there is wisdom. I love this biblical teaching. Don’t just accept a friend’s advice. Don’t take your psychiatrists advice. Don’t believe a word I say. Be cautious about what your Pastor might tell you. Don’t act on anyone’s advice UNTIL you have heard from a few friends, counselors or experts on the subject. Always get a second and possibly third opinion on serious issues.

* If you are seeking marriage advice, talk to someone who has a blissful relationship. I probably wouldn’t ask a three time divorced friend for marriage advice just like I wouldn’t ask a homeless person for business tips.

* Don’t assume that just because someone has a Doctorate that you will get good advice. Educated men and women disagree with each other all the time. Much of their advice is certain to be helpful but keep your mind open for advice that just doesn’t “seem right.”

* Don’t go searching for the answer you want. If everyone tells you that you are a chauvinist pig, then don’t keep looking for someone who will say otherwise. Accept their advice and make a change. If many people tell you to separate yourself from your abusive husband or boyfriend, then simply do it.

* Ask at the right time. If you want to get advice from some friends, make sure you have enough time to fully discuss the issue. One can’t give good advice unless they know most or all of the story.

Why Marriages Fail – the ONE reason‏

What if the roots of every marriage crisis are exactly the same? What difference would that make?

What if you did not have to keep looking for “the right answer,” finding difficulty theory after difficult theory? And what if marriage therapy is not the answer?

If your spouse is refusing to go to therapy, or you have already tried that and have had poor results, you are not alone. But that does not mean you are out of luck.

Imagine having the marriage of your dreams.

What if you looked forward to the next time you were with your spouse, instead of fearing yet another useless argument?

My colleague, Dr. Lee Baucom, has a video where he reveals THE reason why marriages fail. In fact, Dr. Baucom says that he has NEVER seen a marriage fail that has mastered this one concept.

The video reveals that exact concept, and how you can immediately apply it to your marriage.

Dr. Baucom is a trained marriage therapist, but became disillusioned with much of marriage therapy when he saw the results:  1/2 of couples who go to therapy still end up divorced.  Only 15 to 18% report that it even helped!

So, Dr. Baucom gives another option. His approach works, even if your spouse is refusing to work on your relationship! Take just a few moments to watch this video.  It could just transform your relationship:

Follow these tips to save any marriage

Your marriage deserves a fighting chance, but you have to be fighting with the right tools!

Your friend and coach,

Calvin Gipson

P.S.:  Imagine what your marriage could be, then take a few minutes to watch this video.  I believe it can transform your marriage, regardless of the hurt and pain:

Transform your marriage starting right now

Help to Save My Marriage

Marriage problems can sometimes be stressful and difficult to overcome for everyone. It is very painful to know that you are losing the person you deeply love. However, you may have an opportunity to do something and save your marital relationships. First of all, what you should do is to understand the problems in marriage and its reasons. Once you come to know about it, you will be able to overcome them. If you are thinking of seeking other’s help to save my marriage, you should first try to do it with some honest efforts along with your partner.

When you realize that the problems in your married life are increasing, you get disturbed and your mind cries out help to save my marriage. But don’t make your partner to know that your have got terrified and panic, remain calm and think about how to control the situation. You should first try to solve the problems and conflicts in your married life before let other people know about it.

Good communication between the couple is very essential to understand each other. If they openly talk with each other about the problems and differences, it may help to clear the misunderstandings and conflicts.

After you talk with each other and still feel that it doesn’t work, then you can seek advice from your family, friends or religious leaders. If you think that your communication is not enough to save your relationships and you strongly wish to do it, you may take help of other people you trust and say- help to save my marriage.

Your family or friends might help you understand the problems and give some suggestions about how to solve them. You may realize your mistakes after talking with them and can try to correct them. You can observe the marital relationships of others and make some improvement in yourself. Your family and friends may advise you about the emotional and behavioral changes which may prove beneficial one. But, before applying any advice into practice, you should confirm about whether the advice is appropriate or not as any wrong advice can destroy the relationships.

If you are still not satisfactory, you can try for marriage counseling. You may go to counselor’s office and request him-help to save my marriage. Both the partners should attend the counseling which can be an effective tool to improve their relationships. The couples should openly discuss about their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. Marriage counseling could help the couples to improve their communication skills, help to uncover some other problems or issues, find out the differences and understand the troubles.

It offers a good opportunity to the couples to share their feelings and helps to clear the misunderstanding. Many people are found to be successful in resolving their marriage problems after participating in couple retreats or marriage seminars.

If someone comes to you and say help to save my marriage, you will be able to give him/her good suggestions about resolving the problems and saving their married life.

Can You Save A Marriage Alone?

The unfortunate question asked by the plenty of people. Today, many couples are facing some or the other problems in their married life. The first few years of married life are cheerful, but after some years, problems may arise due to conflicts along with bitterness and some misunderstanding. Generally, nobody directly thinks of breaking a marriage as it is hurting to both the partners. Every couple tries to find out some ways to resolve the problems in their married life and save a marriage.

Once you agree that there are some problems in your married life, you may need to think and find the reasons why. Off-course, it will be just like a one-way traffic and it is quiet difficult that you alone should try to improve your relations. Your partner should equally respond to your efforts to save your marriage. However, you must make some efforts to find out the problems in your married life and develop some qualities within you to maintain better relationships.

The first step you may need to take in order to save your marriage is to bring back the spark in your relationship again. It is very important to spend time with each other. You may use this time to relax and enjoy in each other’s company and recall the moments that you had spent together.

This may help to do away with the misunderstandings and resolve the conflict if any. You should show deep love for your partner and make him/her feel how much you need him/her. Love is an important bridge in a married life that may keep the couple bound together. You may send a romantic message to your partner or arrange for the romantic outings.

Self-assessment is a very important solution to the question can you save a marriage alone. You should be able to realize your mistakes and develop ways to improve your behavior. Avoid the things that may hurt your partner. The conflicts in married life may be due to ego or some misunderstandings. Hence, you should give away your ego and should take an initiative to resolve the problems in your married life. You should be ready for the compromises it demands.

Good communication is a very important factor for developing healthy relationships. You should share all your problems, expectations and feelings with your partner. Communication is not limited to just talking with others, but you should be able to listen to your partner and understand him/ her. The most important thing is that you should fully trust your partner and have faith in your relationship.

Keeping the marital relations alive is very challenging. Always remember that during the course of time, both the partners may change. It is also very important to learn how to deal with these changes. Off-course, it requires efforts and cooperation from both sides. But, you can take an initiative from your side and start to work on the problems in married life.

If you are still wondering, can you save a marriage alone, and then the answer is yes! You can save a marriage alone if you are ready to put in some efforts first.

Can Separation Save A Marriage

Sometimes, married life may become extremely stressful and the couple may find it miserable to live together. When this happens, some couples wish to have a trial separation which may help to work through the difference between both the partners. In some cases, separation is prohibited by cultural or religious rules and they prefer to live apart though legally remaining married. The question is that can separation save a marriage and does it really work?

There two ways of marriage separation, either informal separation or legal separation. Generally, informal separation is what you both agree by a mutual understanding. There is a formal division of the property, arrangements about possession of cars, credit cards and bank accounts. A legal, formal separation is more complicated, permanent and expensive. People undergoing the process of legal separation go through time, pain and expense.

Generally, separation is not the first step to save a marriage. Many couples first try to participate in marital counseling which may help to work through the differences. Some couples seek out an advice from the friends, family or religious leaders. Many people are successful in resolving their marital problems after participating in couple retreats or marriage seminars.

Along with these options or after trying these options, the couples choose a trial separation. Now, you will wonder can separation save a marriage; is it an appropriate way to save a marriage? Yes, it may be helpful as it gives an opportunity to both the partners to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. The major advantage of trial separation is that it is reversible.

During the period of trial separation, you may go through marital counseling, think over it and then take the final decision. This separation period gives you ample time to think about your differences, your mistakes, problems in your married life and ways to resolve them.

An absence of daily bickering and conflicts may be an effective answer to the question can separation save a marriage. Due to a lack of proximity, there is absolutely no chance for conflicts. Both the partners get enough time to think over their marital problems. Most of the marital problems originate from fear, ego or stubbornness. Resolution is possible as long as one partner wishes to keep trying.

The main purpose of trial separation is to develop the skills of resolving the problems before moving back together and working on improving the relationships. For a couple, a planned separation can be a good time to think, to analyze, to reflect, to calm down and cool off. It helps to make thoughtful decisions and thus work to save a marriage.

In some cases, separation may be unplanned and there may be no plans for marriage counseling, no tentative time-line for separation and no guidelines agreed about seeing others. Hence, before you think about separation, talk with each other about the individual goals of separation. Both should be ready for seeking individual and joint counseling during the separation period.

The answer to the question ‘can separation save a marriage’ lies within the person himself/herself; you need to realize how important your spouse is in your life and how life may be without him/her.

5 Ways to Save A Marriage

Marriage is one of the happiest and memorable moments in our lives. It is a union of not only two individuals, but also of two different upbringings and cultures. After a cheerful start of married life, there might be a possibility or beginning of some conflicts. These may be due to some misunderstandings, ego or other personal problems. Sometimes the bitterness in the relation crosses the tolerance level that the couples think of getting separated.

However, a divorce affects the personal and social lives of both the partners. You will be surprised to know that your marriage problems can be resolved. Here are 5 ways to save a marriage that can be effectively implemented in your married life.

The first step to resolve the marriage problems is to agree that they exist. You should be honest with yourself, should be able to identify the differences in your relationships and try to improve them. If your try to go away from the issues, they will never be solved. Accept the situation as it is and be prepared for the challenges which may lie ahead.

It is said that you cannot fight the enemy that you cannot see. This philosophy is absolutely true in case of marriages. If you feel that your husband has changed the way of interaction, then find out the reasons behind it. The best solution is to start the conversation with your spouse and give him several opportunities to ‘open up’. Keep your ears and mind open for the subtle hints from his conversation.

Saving your marriage is not merely solving the problems. Reigniting your love for each other is one of the effective 5 ways to save a marriage. You can express your passion for your partner with special dates or surprises. Remember the most romantic times you spent together and recreate them with an addition of a unique approach.

Give some time for each other to share the feelings. The purpose is to grab the attention of your partner and make your relationships healthy with natural attraction. If you are successful in developing the passion for each other, then other problems can be immediately solved.

There may be many obstacles when you are trying to fix the relationships. It might be difficult for you to communicate with your husband or you may be facing outside pressures from the family which may prevent you to focus on your goals. Even after facing these barriers, you should be persistent on your aims. If one approach fails, you can try another approach that may work. You should be able to handle the conflicts safely.

One of the important steps among 5 ways to save a marriage is to seek the right advice from your friends and family. You should try to get an expert advice from counseling sessions or books before you take any major decision. A wise advice can save your marriage, while bad advice may ruin it.

Knowing about 5 ways to save a marriage, you would be able to resolve the problems if any in your marriage and live a happy married life.

Stop The Divorce

If you made the steps to file for divorce, have done all the negotiating and then started
to have second thoughts but felt as if it was too late and now you are in divorce court can
you still change your mind? The answer to that question is YES! You can always change
your mind and if your partner is willing to give it another chance then you should go for it!
Yes, you will be out the money for the lawyers and possibly court costs, but those costs
are minimal when it comes to saving your marriage and your family.

A good counselor can help you both learn new and much more effective communication techniques. More effective communication techniques can lead to more understanding of each other’s faults and foibles. More understanding can lead to resolution of hurt feelings and the beginning of trust and respect returning to your relationship. When trust and respect are restored then anything is possible in your relationship.

Before you start to see a counselor take some time to write down issues you think need to be worked on. Encourage your spouse to do the same. If they refuse, do it anyway and write down that one too. If the marriage is to be saved then both of you have to give it 100% and make each other a priority.

Be careful though, not to put the full blame for the problems in the relationship all on one of you. It takes two to make or break a relationship. Some people may argue that it only takes one person to ruin a relationship but if you think about it when the problems get big if you both do not address them then the relationship is in deep trouble.

The counselor you choose can act as a neutral third party to help you wade through all the crap that has paralyzed you both for so long. The counselor can help keep the lines of communication open and keep things moving forward and also keep the fighting to a minimum.

The longer you wait, the closer to divorce you will get and the harder it will be to pull it all back from the edge of disaster. The sooner you both admit that you do still love each other enough to want to stay together but realize that it will take an enormous amount of love, patience and time to fix your relationship, the better off you will be.

Just do not expect it to happen overnight. It didn’t get bad overnight and you won’t be able to fix it that quickly either. All of this is necessary if you really want to stop your divorce.

Getting Through The Hard Times

Every relationship, every marriage goes through rough patches, how you deal with
them though is what makes the difference in whether it is a relationship that is going
to last or one that is slowly going to fall apart. When you hit hard times look at what is
affecting the marriage, is it outside influences such as friends and in-laws? Is it a money
problem, is it the kids causing issues? Once you find the cause of the friction you can
get a better handle on how to deal with it.

Before you do anything else, you need to be completely honest. That means being honest with your partner, being honest with yourself, and being honest about the relationship. It’s easy to live in a state of denial, especially when things aren’t going all that well. However, they will never get better if you aren’t being completely truthful.

Now that you’re being honest about everything, the next step is to look at what’s causing the problems in your relationship. Be careful doing this, because it’s easy to assume the symptoms are the problem. For example, if you think the problem is that the two of you argue too much, then that’s really a symptom. What you need to do is get to the root of why you’re arguing in the first place. This may take some time and a bit of digging, but it’s a vital step in saving a relationship.

Once you figure out what the real problems are, it’s time to talk with your partner. Notice that it says talk “with” your partner, and not “to” or “at” them. How you approach this talk is almost as important as the talk itself. If your relationship is in trouble, then chances are good that your partner is aware that things aren’t going well. That could mean they will be more receptive than you expect. Either way, do your best to have a good conversation about the problems in your relationship.

The next logical step is to try to come up with solutions to your problems. You both need to work on this step together. That way it will be as fair as possible, and neither person will feel as though the other one got the upper hand. It can sometimes be difficult to come up with solutions on your own, so be willing to get help from a relationship counselor if needed.

Saving a relationship can take a lot of effort. It also requires that both partners are working toward the same goal. But if you have the right attitude and are willing to do whatever it takes, then it will be more than worth it when the two of you are happy together again.

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