Wednesday, December 12, 2018

3 Strategies to Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage

It doesn’t matter if it’s your spouse, your kid, your co-worker or God – TRUST is just so important to any quality relationship.rebuild trust in your marriage

Trust is a funny thing. We tend to assume the best for ourselves since we know our intent and the worst in others because we judge based only on the outcomes of their actions.

We can be especially distrusting if we’ve been hurt in the past…and we’ve all been hurt!

Trust Is Dynamic

If I asked you whether you trust your spouse, you could answer as “yes” or “no” (hopefully it’s yes).

But if I asked whether you trust him or her MORE or LESS than you did yesterday…or last year…or on your wedding day…the answer gets a lot more interesting.

That’s because the level of trust in our marriage is always changing.

You are either building up trust and intimacy or you’re letting it erode by your actions (or inaction).

On a day-to-day basis, you can strengthen the trust between you by spending quality time together, talking, having sex, making decisions together and doing all those little things we do together as a couple.

And of course, you can slowly lose that trust when you act selfishly, don’t follow through on your promises, withhold sex or miss a date night.

Trust is a fickle beast, but it’s SO important to continue building up.

But It Can Be Broken VERY Quickly

We spend most of our married time making those gradual changes and enriching our trust over time.

But as we know all too well, there are those Trust Bombs that can destroy trust in an instant:

Having an affair

Lying about money

Keeping secrets and getting exposed

Talking about your spouse behind their back

In the blink of an eye, years of built-up trust can be destroyed. And it’s difficult to learn to forgive and start back down the road of building up trust and intimacy.

Take Action to Build Up the Trust

Whether you’re simply looking to grow in intimacy and learn how to deepen the trust in your marriage on a day-to-day basis or you’ve been scarred by a major breach of trust, the key is to take action.

Here are three strategies you can use to build or rebuild the trust in your relationship:

  1. Bring in Back-Up Help

It’s easy to lose perspective on your own situation when you’re living in it.

Reach out and seek guidance and support from a coach, support group, counselor or trusted friend.  Be sure that any resource you seek out is Pro-Marriage and will work in the best interest of your marriage.

Caution: Do NOT seek out help from those that may make the situation worse.  This would include recently divorced friends, never-married friends or co-workers…

  1. Commit to Finding the Good

When you’re feeling pain, it’s difficult to see the good in those that we love – but it’s essential to the reconciliation process.

Commit to giving your spouse at least one encouragement/compliment every day for the next week.  This will help turn the energy in your relationship from negative to positive, plus you’ll be reminded of the positive characteristics of your spouse.

You’ll find it super helpful to keep a journal during this time and track how your actions change the way you see, respect and start to rebuild trust in your husband or wife.

  1. Declare that YOU Are Taking Action

In every relationship, there must be a leader when change is required.  Whether your trust was broken or you broke the trust of your spouse in some way, you can repair/forgive the broken trust and move forward.

But it requires commitment and real action.  In time, your spouse will come around but getting started on this path requires you to step up and be a leader in your marriage.

Trust is an essential and sometimes elusive element in every relationship.

Put these strategies in place to deepen the trust in your marriage and reap the rewards of the contentment and happiness that lie on the other side of the rebuilding process.

5 Tips to Keep a Marriage Exciting

The buildup to the wedding is so exciting; making wedding arrangements and laying out a plan for your future lives 5 tips to keep a marriage excitingtogether.But after the honeymoon ends, life begins. And while you may have the most wonderful marriage, even the most devoted couple is certain to find the married lifestyle to be at times, well let’s say, less than exciting. I mean let’s face it, you love the other person, but spending all day with the same individual makes for a lot of routine activities, that if you are not careful can drag on your relationship and make you both feel unsatisfied with what is otherwise a very loving relationship.

As a result, it is vital that couples not simply sit back in the belief that a marriage will remain exciting merely on its own momentum. Rather, it is important that spouses take some basic steps to infuse their relationships with a bit of excitement.

1. Have Independent Interests

You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.

2. Spontaneous Events

While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and become busier by life’s obligations, we tend to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So, to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened.

3. Never threaten separation

This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. Therefore, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.

4. Weekend Trips

One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one-night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.

5. Spice up the bedroom

The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So, try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.

Advice on Advice

A good friend and colleague of mine Michael Webb, wrote this article and gives great insight on who to take advice from.

A few years ago I had a friend whom was having problems in his marriage. He confided in a friend and received some advice. Some very bad advice. Advice that would have probably launched his marriage over a proverbial cliff had he followed it. Fortunately, my friend decided to ask some others and me what we thought of the situation and the advice he had been given. He ignored the first piece of advice and is still married because of it.

Because of my career in writing and speaking about relationships, a lot of people seek me out for advice. Here is my advice on asking for advice.

* In a multitude of counselors, there is wisdom. I love this biblical teaching. Don’t just accept a friend’s advice. Don’t take your psychiatrists advice. Don’t believe a word I say. Be cautious about what your Pastor might tell you. Don’t act on anyone’s advice UNTIL you have heard from a few friends, counselors or experts on the subject. Always get a second and possibly third opinion on serious issues.

* If you are seeking marriage advice, talk to someone who has a blissful relationship. I probably wouldn’t ask a three time divorced friend for marriage advice just like I wouldn’t ask a homeless person for business tips.

* Don’t assume that just because someone has a Doctorate that you will get good advice. Educated men and women disagree with each other all the time. Much of their advice is certain to be helpful but keep your mind open for advice that just doesn’t “seem right.”

* Don’t go searching for the answer you want. If everyone tells you that you are a chauvinist pig, then don’t keep looking for someone who will say otherwise. Accept their advice and make a change. If many people tell you to separate yourself from your abusive husband or boyfriend, then simply do it.

* Ask at the right time. If you want to get advice from some friends, make sure you have enough time to fully discuss the issue. One can’t give good advice unless they know most or all of the story.

Abuse In Marriage

When a marriage is abusive it seems useless to even try to save it, but
depending on the abuse type (no, NO abuse is right!) there may be a
way to work on it, stop the abuse and save the marriage. You need to
get professional help as soon as possible and then you will know if the
marriage would be best saved or if you should say goodbye and start
new.

Physical, emotional, mental, sexual…all of these abuses are deal breakers
in my book, though some are easier to overcome than others and some can
be changed with the right therapy it is still a very long process and has to be
handled very carefully. You have to remember, if you have children they are
also being abused just by being around the abuse, hopefully they too are not
being abused, if this is the case then a definite seperation would most likely be
in order.

How will you come to know that your partner is abusive? Some of the warning signs of abusive partner are as follows- he may push the relationship too fast, he demands your attention at all times, he may be very competitive, he feels jealousy about your family members and friends and he is has extreme lows and highs.

Abuse can cause a very harmful condition which may badly affects the physical and psychological status of a person. The victim may get extremely terrified and disturbed and may lose psychological balance. The effects of abuse may be depressing and longer-lasting. Hence, it is not easy to deal with abusing partner. If you do not want to break marital relations, then you start to work on how to save an abuse marriage. It is not easy one; you need a lot of patience and tolerance for that.

When you facing the tough decision as of how to save an abusive marriage, the first step you should take is to find out the reasons of abuse. You may consult with a psychiatric who can help you to understand the causes of misbehavior of your partner. If necessary, you can take your partner to the psychiatric to seek the treatment.

Self-assessment is one of the important solutions to the question how to save an abusive marriage. Try to find out your drawbacks and mistakes and try to overcome them. Know about the things that your partner does not like and avoid to do them. Go for outing with your partner to change his/her mood. Communication with your partner is an important factor to solve this problem. You should keep taking to your partner about his/her behavior and affectionately convince him/her to avoid it.

Make your partner to realize that you still love and need him/her. Once your partner understands your passion, he/she will try to develop improvements in his/her behavior and think not to hurt you by abusing. Carefully handle the problem regarding how to save an abusive marriage and bring your married life back to its comfortable state.

Midlife Crisis

Many men go through what is termed as a Midlife Crisis, for women this is
menapause. They both have some things in common; physical, emotional
and mental changes. When these changes happen most men feel the need
to do things that maybe they had put to the side because they got married, or
to go out and prove they are still men by doing challenging things, buying
outrageous items, changing the way they look etc. The frustration of knowing that
they are changing, growing older can lead some serious marital problems.

Almost every man  faces some form of a midlife crisis. It is common with the men between the age group of 40 to 60. How do you identify that the man has a midlife crisis? There are some signs which let you about his midlife crisis. He may start to dress more carefully and youthfully and may get involved in some energetic activities.

He may begin paying more attention towards his appearance, may talk about going on a diet, may join a gym or may dye his hair. He may complain about the appearance of his wife, he may wish to be alone. Many men start to listen to the romantic songs.

Men midlife crisis can destroy a marriage if they take it too far. The husband can neglect his wife and her needs. There may be total lack of communication between the husband and wife. It is possible that the husband gets involved in an extra-marital affair. It can give rise to misunderstandings, conflicts and bitterness in married life. When it crosses the limits of tolerance, the couple starts thinking about separation.

Is this happening with you because your husband has a midlife crisis? Then don’t think directly about the separation, be calm and look for the solutions. There are many different ways to overcome the problem of a husband going through a midlife crisis. What you can do is to try to wait till the crisis ends. For this, you may require a lot of patience and tolerance. You can also try some other options to resolve this problem.

To reignite the love between you, spend some time with each other and go away together so that you can spend time time away from the family and children. If this problem is because of lack of communication, start to develop good communication between you and your partner.

Your partner should be equally willing to save the marriage and improve the relationships. To save marriage, the husband in a midlife crisis can contribute by changing his approach and by controlling his emotions. He may recall the memories of pleasant days in his early married life and bring those days back with his romantic behavior.

He should try not to hurt his wife by making embarrassing comments about her appearance or behavior. Try to enjoy the pleasant moments in your married life. In order to save marriage midlife crisis husbands may face can be considered to find effective solutions to your problems.

There are various factors you will have to consider changing when you are trying to save a marriage with a husband going through a midlife crisis, extra marital interests, weekend and day trips, are sure to help rekindle the marriage.

Cheating In Marriage

Cheating in any relationship can be devistating, in a marriage it is even more so!
Of all the people you are suppose to be able to trust more than anyone it is your
spouse and when you lose trust in your spouse it is very hard to get that back. If you
notice I said hard but not impossible. When there is cheating/infidelity in a relationship
it is going to take a long time to get back the trust but it can be done.

It is very painful and hurtful when you find out that your partner is cheating on you. But, don’t get frustrated or panic, remain calm and try to control the situation. Think about how you can handle this situation and find out the ways to save your relationships after cheating.

It is quite obvious that you get angry with your partner, but cool down and try to figure out why your partner is cheating you. In most cases the reason for cheating is not that the partner who is cheating has no emotional feelings, but it may be due to his/her physical need. In such a situation, you can grab the attention of your partner with your intense love.

Whatever may be the reason of cheating, ‘forgive and forget’ is an important key factor to save your relationships after cheating. When you realize that you have been cheated on by your partner, talk to him/her about it openly and find out about his/her willingness to save the marriage and try to understand your partner’s approach about it. Express your love for your partner and make him/her realize how much you need him/her. If you get the positive response from your partner, then forgive him/her and say ‘Let’s make a new start’.

If you are successful in developing a deep love for each other, then this problem can be easily solved. The important step you should take to save your relationships after cheating is to find out your drawbacks and mistakes. Take efforts to improve your personality and behavior and avoid doing the things by which your partner gets hurt.

Plan to spend the vacation with your partner and go for outings. Give time for each other, improve the communication between you, try to find out the differences between you and overcome them.

If you are your partner who is cheating, then you should equally contribute and take efforts to save the marriage. You should promise to end your affair and be loyal with your partner. Your body language is significant when you are saying ‘sorry’ to your partner.

If your partner is ready to forgive you and forget the bitterness, you should respond him/her in a positive way. You should also express deep love for your partner and make him/her know how much you need your partner and how incomplete you are without him/her. This will surely work and you will be able to reignite love in your partner’s mind.

When both of you take the efforts to save your relationships after cheating is not difficult, you will be successful to improve your relationships and live happily together.

IMPORTANT: Please note that some of the products promoted on this website are owned by other companies, and we promote them as their affiliates.

We get paid a commission on every sale that is made. However, you can be certain that Calvin Gipson only recommends products with the highest quality.